Losing Our Big Mouths

1/28/17        Biggest Loser, Blairsville Style- Losing Our Big Mouths

Scripture: Ephesians 4: 29-32, 5: 1-2

            Today we continue on our Biggest Loser journey, where we are striving to lose all the spiritual baggage that keeps us from experiencing the fullness of life God wants to give. Like a person trying to lose weight to achieve a healthier life, we’re trying to ditch the hurts, habits and hang-ups that keep us growing in our faith. Today we’re going to look at language, and more specifically, our words, as we try to lose our big mouths and become people who lift up rather than tear down.

            Growing up in a tiny village, going to church was nothing out of the ordinary. I could walk down our street of 50 houses and name the neighbors who lived in those homes. Most of them attended our little village church or attended some other church in the nearest town. It was just our way of life. But college gave me a glimpse of a world I had never experienced. On one of my first Sundays, I was bound and determined to find a church where I could worship, but my dorm was quiet, with students still fast asleep, and I had no car. As the semester carried on, it became quite clear that church was not high on everyone’s priority list. And even though they never said it aloud, I could tell what my fellow students were thinking, “Brett, this is College! It’s time for fun! And following Jesus isn’t very fun!” That’s one of the biggest complaints I’ve heard about our faith. It’s just not very fun. Too many rules and regulations. Too many commandments to follow. Too many “Do not’s” that strangle our freedoms and mess with our personal plans. And to be fair, sometimes that’s all we’ve ever heard. Here are the lines. Stay within them. Don’t veer to the right or to the left, and if you succeed, you’ll be on God’s side. You’ll get an A for faith. But what has been largely neglected is that God gave us these lines so that we could fully experience who God made us to be.

            Eugene Peterson, in Practice Resurrection, once shared the story of a young woman who began to attend his church. “She wanted to become a Christian,” he wrote, even though she “knew virtually nothing of the Christian faith and had no idea of what becoming a Christian involved.” “She didn’t know much about the faith,” Peterson explains, so they gathered every two weeks for spiritual conversation. And this young woman, who had no church history, had never read a bible and simply did what all her friends did, began to embrace the teachings of Jesus. Except for one area.

There’s always one area, right? One area that challenges us, one issue that we find hard to relinquish. I’ll simply read to you from Peterson’s book, “…one thing puzzled me. She lived with her boyfriend. Eventually I learned that she had always lived with her boyfriend, beginning when she was twenty. She wasn’t interested in marriage…Surely she knew that the Christian way had some sexual implications for the way you lived…I assumed she would eventually notice…One day, on impulse I said, “We’ve been having these conversations for seven months. Would you do something for me?” Sure, she replied. “Live celibate for the next six months.” Why would I do that, she asked with surprised. “Just because I asked you. Trust me. I think it’s important.” Two months later, she pulled her pastor aside and said, “When you asked me to live celibate for six months, I had no idea what you were up to. It’s been two months now and I think I understand what you were doing. I feel so free. I never felt “myself” before. I just thought this was the American way. And now I’m noticing so many other things about my relationships with others—they seem so much more clean and whole. So uncluttered.”  (Peterson, Practice Resurrection)

So what does this have to do with today’s topic? Well, there are times when our faith clashes with attitudes, behaviors and practices that are socially and culturally acceptable. Whether it’s sexual behavior, the way we spend our money or the freedom to speak what we want to speak, there are times when our faith and our culture simply do not mix. And it’s at that point we must wrestle with an age-old question: Does my faith have any implications on the way I choose to live?” More specifically, in light of today’s Scripture, the question is framed this way, “Does my faith have any authority over what comes out of my mouth?

We’ve been inundated these last few weeks with words. Words are flying left and right, from the Left and from the Right! In a generous interpretation of freedom of speech, we’ve watched tweets, posts, banners, signs, songs and reports cultivate deep emotions inside of us. That’s what words do. They put expression to our thoughts, give teeth to our ideas, and create responses from those who hear or read. We used to be pretty confident that sticks and stones were the only things that could hurt, but we’re now realizing the truth: words are far more powerful than what we knew. At the same time, we’re recognizing that silence isn’t always the best answer. The right word spoken at the right time can be a tremendous source of healing, a gift to those who receive. Words, as the author of Proverbs reminds, can bring life or crush the spirit. And we’ve been there. We’ve been lifted up and torn apart due to words. Because of that tremendous power, we need to continually ask the question, “Does my faith have any authority over what comes out of my mouth?

If were talking about faith, one the first tasks we need accomplish is to consider how God uses words. And God uses lots of words. Whether spoken or written, using words is one of God’s primary means of communication. And from the very beginning of Scripture, we see how words reveal God’s heart. “Let there be,” says God, “and there was…” Creation comes alive with God’s words. Life is given through God’s words. Peace is cultivated in the midst of chaos through God’s words. Quite simply, God’s words are a means of offering grace and life to a world of darkness. And if you and I are created in the God’s image, then part of our calling is to show the world, including through our use of words, what God is like.  God is one who builds up, but doesn’t tear down. God is one who offers compassion, even in the face of disagreement. God is one who speaks hard words with grace, not in order to be right, or to make a point, but in order to bring life. And it’s this life-giving God who the author of Ephesians says we are to imitate. But that’s a tall task, isn’t it? So how do imitate this life-giving, creative God with our words, language and communication?

Adam Hamilton, a pastor in Kansas City, authored a book called “Speaking Well,” and in this book he recommends 3 questions to answer before we speak. And even though this book was written for the professional speaker, I think these questions are helpful to consider every time we open our mouths.

The first question Hamilton recommends is Why? Why am I the right person to speak into this situation? And sometimes we are the right person. But sometimes we’re not. The right word spoken by the right person brings life and creativity. Bridges are built, relationships are sustained. But the right word spoken by the wrong person is still the wrong word, because it won’t be heard. When we take the time to ask “why,” we’re invited into some holy self-reflection, to check our motives, and to know whether or not we’ll be heard. I recently resigned from a position that I’ve held for 8 years because it dawned on me that I was no longer the right person. I had the right words; I had the right heart; but my audience no longer heard me. And as much as I wanted them to hear me, I wanted them to hear the message even more. And I was no longer the right one to deliver that message.  Am I the right person to speak into this situation? To share this post? To hold this sign? Am I the right person to contribute to this conversation? And why? That’s a significant question with which we must wrestle.

The second question Hamilton says to ask is Who? Who is the person or the group that will receive my words? Understanding our audience is so important. Do we really know what someone needs to hear, or do we just think we know what someone needs to hear. The difference can bring life or destroy it. I heard a great analogy last week during a training session. Our presenter showed us a picture of an iceberg, including the tip above the water and the rest that lies under the water. She then shared with us that the Captain of the Titanic focused only on the tip, only on what was visible, instead of the larger threat, which was underneath the water. Experts suggest that we glimpse only 10% of icebergs, yet the 90% under the water surface is where we should be paying attention. Do we truly know our audience? Are our words a reaction and response to the 10% we see, or have we taken the time know what really lies under the surface, in their hearts?

The final question, and the one I think proves to be our biggest challenge to overcome is What? What do I want my hearers to do, know, experience and feel because of what I’m about to say? And let’s be real. Every word we say will produce a response and a reaction. But I wonder if we spend more time thinking about our own feelings and responses without taking the time to ask what. I was tempted recently to share a political Facebook post that really caught my attention. As I read the blog, I found my emotions begin to stir, and I thought, ha! I’ll share this because I’m angry and frustrated and I want people know where I stand. And then I remembered this sermon. The only reaction I had considered was my own. I wanted others to know what outraged me, troubled me, and how I felt. And stunned by my selfishness, I logged out and preserved relationships that very easily could’ve ended with one post.

So, the question remains. Does our faith have any authority over our words? Does following Jesus have implications for the ways in which we live our lives? Imitate God, says Paul. Follow God’s example. That’s how we lose our big mouths. Amen.